Small

I'm sure this will be entertaining.

This year, I dressed up as Joey Harrington for Halloween. Full credit goes to ems for the idea: we also know a Giants fan who has a Plaxico Burress jersey, so when all of us were out watching football, we had the opportunity to discuss how there should be some kind of cash-for-clunkers equivalent for jerseys. To ems, this was perfect. I'd have a use for the jersey that sat at the bottom of my closet.

At first, I thought it was silly, but as I considered it, I realized it was actually a pretty good idea. I didn't need much else to make the costume work, some people would get it and some wouldn't, and best of all, it wouldn't require a full mask. (Wear one all night. You'll see what I mean.) I had the jersey and cleats (from a flag football tournament we did once), so I picked up what was supposed to be a crew-cut wig (with a little modification, it worked all right) and some shoulder pads.

Apparently that part's pretty common, because when I explained what I needed, the guy at the used sporting goods store knew exactly what I wanted. "Take those children's shoulder pads, they're cheaper and they'll fit under the jersey, but you probably won't be able to strap them on or anything." Done. $15 + tax, I think.

So I'm changing into my costume while ems and her boyfriend are waiting (I didn't try it on first because as a guy, I know 95% of the stuff I buy will fit exactly as I need it to). Shoulder pads on. Jersey over the pads: a little difficult, but they're not big pads ... and on.

I look in the mirror. I look like a kid borrowing his brother's uniform.

I strap the shoulder pads on. They're still big. (As it turns out, I could have tightened them in front too, but not having any actual football experience, I didn't realize this until later.) Oh, by the way, these are marked for youths weighing 140-160 pounds. So I'm actually heavier than that (probably 7 pounds or so right now), and still they fit me easily. (It also helped that the jersey was one size too large.)

See, my shorter female friends think I'm average height. I'm actually a touch below average for men, and now I have the imagery to suggest this. Too bad there aren't any pictures ...

DirecTV customer service helps out

No, really, it did.

But to start with, DirecTV was dumb. I get the Center Ice package (which is really the only way to watch hockey, and I don't just mean because of the Vs shenanigans; hockey in HD is the best, plus you get to pick the home or away feed, so you never have to hear Hawks announcers talking about the Wings), and I thought it would be nice to watch a little hockey tonight. So I flipped through the guide and saw that my HD channels were grayed out. Bad sign.

I turn to one of the games and get the "Channel not purchased" message. Oh ho, that's what you think? I'm a renewing subscriber, damn straight this is purchased. I check the website. Yep, still have the package. Check the SD channel. Yep, game comes in. So I reset the receiver. Nope, "Channel not purchased". Sigh.

I call the system and tell it 721. It says hold on, I'm going to try something. And sure enough, the first check it did fixed my problem. Amazing.

Of course, I couldn't explain to the system that I wanted to remove receivers from my account (old SD receivers, I never watch TV in the other rooms anyway), so I had to speak to an agent. However, it took only seconds to reach one, she was able to help me right away, and I also got three free months of Showtime because I'm a long-time suckercustomer.

So now I get some free movies (plus Inside the NFL), my bill dropped a tiny bit, and I got to give feedback on the website (let me drop receivers, fool). +1 for DirecTV

The long walk

Note: spoilers for Oblivion included. If you haven't played this game yet, and you have any interest at all in RPGs, then you deserve to have secrets spoiled for you. If you aren't interested in Oblivion at all, wait for the next post. This one will not interest you in the slightest.

I was playing Oblivion this weekend because a) it's one of the best games ever, b) the next Elder Scrolls game is apparently somewhere down the line at some time, and c) one of my friends was playing. I rolled another custom class: Stealth type, focus on Agility and Personality, skills Armorer, Block, Light Armor, Marksman, Mercantile, Restoration, and Speechcraft. Speechcraft is a pretty good one so that you can start out with the skip option, otherwise it's a bear to build up. I always like Armorer so that I can get it up to Journeyman more quickly and repair my magic items. I think I'm missing one of the skills I usually put in there ... one thing I noticed is without grabbing all the stuff in the guilds and reselling it, I'm taking a lot of damage. No good armor's available yet, so I figure I should have included something that does damage so that I don't take as much.

Anyway, I was heading back to Anvil for the quest where I hide in the store and wait for thieves, but I forgot that somehow there was a bounty on me for something, so they wanted to arrest me (because I wanted to talk to a guard to get my Speechcraft up to 50). So they get me, and I offer to pay the fine ... but Baurus intercepts me on the way to the castle and insists that we walk back to the Imperial City. And on top of that, the bounty is still there.

I can't fast-travel, because he won't move. I can't talk to a guard, because I'll get "arrested" and Baurus will show up again. I can't even sleep, because Baurus will show up again. So now I am walking the whole way back to sit with the stupid Mythic Dawn tool. booooooooooooo.

Update: Baurus insists on running toward an Oblivion Gate and somehow getting himself knocked down a ravine from which there is no return. So now I have to prevent this from happening on top of all this other crap. I may just go back a couple of saves ...

Update 2: Got through that part, then discovered that I could speed up the trip greatly by running away from an enemy. Enemy chases, Baurus runs after the enemy ... very clever. Of course he loses his katana and doesn't pick it up, then tries to fight things with his hands before running off and grabbing a loose mace. We complete the Mythic Dawn quest, he dies (although I almost got him through it), and now I've joined the Thieves Guild and paid off my bounty. Back to normal play ...

Applesoft

I disabled automatic updates in iTunes because a) I don't care to have iTunes merrily hogging my bandwidth just because there might be a new version, x.y.z.a.b+1, that allows me to get recommendations on one more thing I don't use on my iPod, and b) see a).

Of course, what that means is that when there is an update for the iPod, you can't sync any more, and you have to wipe your iPod and restore it to download the update, because it would be too easy to let you simply turn automatic updates back on. (And to prove a) and b), the iPod update is taking 10 minutes to download.)

Let there be no doubt: if the market positions were reversed so that Microsoft was struggling to keep the foothold Windows had eked out and Apple could make a profit simply by releasing a new OS, Apple would jerk people around exactly like Microsoft does, and anything i-related is proof of this. I don't have a jailbroken iPod, I want to control how it is updated so that it doesn't command my computer when it's synched (as iTunes tends to do ... funny how it reacts like programs did in the days of total system control). I do not need to restore 10 GB of music just because some jackass doesn't know how to distribute OS updates.

Update: As a bonus, now I'm in an endless restore cycle. Awesome. Naturally the support article that talks about restoring your iPod doesn't say boo about what to do when it doesn't work. Another one that talks about how to troubleshoot the restore process is the same blah-blah-blah as Microsoft's stuff: it's your fault, not ours, check all your own stuff first, can't be our fault. w.

Update: Hey, it was their fault. They gave me a restore file that wouldn't work. How would I know that? Well, I wouldn't. Why did it happen? Who knows? But that's okay, now my iPod is back exactly the way it was two days ago. Sorry about the track history for the three hours in the car in the mountains, and those saved games in Slay and AcidSolitaire. (Thank goodness I didn't have a saved game in Civ Rev.)

I guess I should be synching it more often. Oh right, I couldn't, because you can't do that if you've disabled automatic updates, but it won't tell you that. Ha. Very nice.

P.S. 10 GB of music back on the iPod. Wake me up when it's done. No, not literally. I have to catch up on my sleep.

Weigh-in: Week 32, -1 pound

Not sure how to explain this one, except maybe that I've been adding too much salt to my diet and I've been retaining more water than I normally would, up until today, that is. The last week or so I was moving back and forth between 165 and 166, and then this morning it was 163.8, the lowest I've been to date and down a full pound from last week.

Unfortunately I was also that low about a month ago (but midweek so it doesn't count toward a weigh-in), so in essence I've held steady the last 30 days or so. You can tell I'm falling back because I'm down "only" 28.2 pounds in 32 weeks, and for a while I was right at one pound per week. So basically the good days (walking to lunch, etc.) canceled out the bad days (Shrimpfest 2009, Rock Band, and so on).

And now I'm going back to Virginia for a few days. The last time I did that, it took me a few days to get back on track. I'll have to be careful this time. And then there is another Rock Band night the following week, Halloween after that (yeah, no extra candy in this house ... kids are getting handfuls, I think).

Don't know how much longer I'll be working downtown. The contract is technically through the end of the month, we'll see after that ... I'm not saying I'll walk to lunch no matter what the weather is like, but I can certainly walk in the cold.

Weigh-in: Week 31, -0.6 pounds

Pretty remarkable, considering that a) on Saturday we went to Red Lobster for my birthday dinner, and I had two Cheddar Bay biscuits (or three, honestly I forget), about 50 shrimp, mashed potatoes, rice, and most of a piece of key lime pie; b) on Sunday we went to the Ale for football (I had a burger with bacon and cheese, but chips with that), although I didn't eat too much the rest of the day; and c) with work I have not been spending a lot of time at home awake. Then again I've been walking to lunch almost every day, so that's probably a mile each day (about half a mile each way or thereabouts, at least on average).

Next week is the Virginia trip, well, next weekend, so it'll hit Week 33 and not Week 32. But this kind of thing happens every year. Part of maintaining a healthy weight is doing so no matter what time of the year it is. I think I'll be all right this time.

I like weeks where I think I've done poorly and I haven't. Usually it's because I'm worried about my habits (a good thing) and have been careful despite my fears (also a good thing). Occasionally it's an anomaly.

One of my friends suggested getting a bike trainer for the winter months. It's an interesting idea, but I'm not sure I want to spend the money. I can't yet say that I would use it that much. I would probably get more long-term use out of some kind of lifting equipment ...

I'm just rambling now. Fini.

History

History is a funny word. Sometimes it means something is done or finished (that book is history), or maybe that it's outdated or old. Other times, it refers to something, usually a bad something.

For an example of the latter, I quote Bill James, one of the greatest statistical minds baseball has ever known, from his 1988 Baseball Abstract. Note that he uses "past", but it means the same thing.

The problem is that you acquire a past. In the beginning, what needs to be done is so clear, so obvious. When you have no players you must acquire the best young players that you can find. When they are ready you put them in the lineup because the people who were there before them are just a holding action, just waiting until the future is warm. When you have no past you have no loyalties, no debts. You know exactly where you are in the cycle. You have a memory of no yesterday's dreams which still might flower tomorrow, and thus there is no confusion of tomorrow with yesterday, plans with dreams or what is right with what is best for the team. On September 20 of 1987 the Toronto Blue Jays had a clean slate. They never will again.¹

He is referring to the 1987 season, when Toronto and Detroit fought for the AL East division title for most of the season. Toronto took the first three games of a four-games series against Detroit in Toronto, September 24-26, and led by 3.5 games with 7 games to play for them and 8 for Detroit. Detroit won the final game of the series in Toronto, split four games with Baltimore and swept Toronto in three one-run games. Toronto was swept by Milwaukee before the Detroit series, and as a result, the Tigers clinched a tie for the division on Saturday and won the title on Sunday.

According to coolstandings.com, Toronto had an 89.9% chance to win the division as things stood on the 26th, taking into account their remaining schedule, Detroit's remaining schedule, and other factors. (The site explains it in slightly more detail.) It was the 25th-biggest collapse in MLB history, at least prior to this season.

Prior to 2003, the Tigers already had a long history: one of the eight original American League clubs that began play in 1901, one of only four to have played in the same city the entire time (Boston, Chicago, and Cleveland the others), the first AL team to win three straight pennants (and the first team to lose three straight World Series), a team that went 52 seasons before first losing 100 games and finishing last ... but with only four World Series titles and no pennants since '84, Detroit's history was mostly history.

In 2003, they lost 119 games. That's not good. But they rebounded the next year to win 72, and then two years later, they won 95 games and stormed through the AL playoffs to capture their first pennant in 22 years before losing to St. Louis in five games in the Series. (One of the biggest jokes in history: David Eckstein getting the Series MVP.)

But wait: Detroit didn't win the division in 2006, even though on August 22, they had a 93.1% chance of winning the division (7.5 games up). They had a 78.3% chance of winning the division on the final day, but lost their fifth straight game, all at home, to fall into the wild-card spot instead.

In 2007, it was different, oh yes. On July 19th, they had an 88.7% chance of making the playoffs. This time, the collapse was bigger, and by the last week of the season, the Tigers were completely out of the race. That was collapse #28.

This year, on September 30, Detroit had an amazing 96% chance to win the division. They were in the midst of a four-game series in Detroit against the Twins, having arrived with a two-game lead with seven to play. With a magic number of 6, all Detroit needed was three of the four games to clinch. They lost the first game (the first half of a day-night doubleheader forced by a rainout on Monday), but won the next two, and when October arrived, all they needed was 2: 2 Tigers wins, 2 Twins losses, or one of each, and with a game left between the two, they could do it all at once.

But they didn't. I got no birthday present. Minnesota went on to sweep Kansas City, Detroit stumbled against Chicago, winning only the final game of a three-game series to force a playoff, and then you know what happened next.

The problem wasn't whether or not Leyland should have given Porcello the hook for Zach Miner (probably; Porcello was already overthrowing a bit) or whether he should have made Rodney the designated finish-up guy (probably not; no sense in killing your pen with a possible game tomorrow, but you do have to win for that game tomorrow to be yours) or whatever, but rather that the Tigers couldn't consistently beat Kansas City or Chicago. They went 9-9 against each team while the Twins went 12-6 against each team. That, my friends, is the problem. The Tigers made themselves have to win in the last week, and with a history of collapsing, they couldn't do it.

Sure, there are a number of franchises with a longer drought than Detroit has (the Cubs, obviously, but the Rangers came into the league as Senators II in 1961 and haven't won ever; the Indians haven't won since 1948 ...), but at some point there isn't too much difference between them. All you know is that you didn't win this year, you didn't win last year, and you can't feel like you can win next year.

However, the Tigers do have some good young players, and they have made a run at the playoffs three of the last four seasons. And at some point this will pass, and the Tigers will win again, and everything will be all right.

But right now it sucks.

¹James, Bill, The 1988 Bill James Baseball Abstract, p.84.

no football posts this weekend

a) I'm busy with work. Very cool. kind of. well, it pays well.
b) terrible sports weekend. The Twins will win tomorrow and that will cap it.

sorry.

More blackout stupidity

ESPN football: blacked out. Supposed to watch ABC. F that.

NHL Network, Blues-Red Wings blacked out. Supposed to watch Fox Sports Midwest. whatever.

This is ridiculous.

Weigh-in: Week 30, no change

ha. Every 15 weeks I've had no change from the previous week.

So it was nice to see this morning that Tuesday's weight was due to other circumstances and that presumably this is closer to my actual weight trend. (Of course it's still high considering previous progress, but at least it wasn't higher.)

My goal is to focus on better eating and exercise habits in October. I'm not too far from my goal, but it's not that close either (by which I mean there's more than a week's worth of work left).

focusing ...

Weigh-in: Week 29, +1.6 pounds

Not such a good week last week. Okay, maybe a little of it was having people over to play The Beatles: Rock Band and eating some of the food they brought, but it was also not having the right foods around the house.

With Week 30's weigh-in right around the corner, I suspect I'll likely gain rather than lose this week too. Potentially I could still break even for September, but it's really just been one (or two) bad weeks. So I'll have to focus more on eating better and exercising more. (Bonus: my current contract is with a company downtown, so as long as the weather isn't terrible, I can walk to lunch.)

I need to restock my food here so that I'm eating better foods. I know that is part of it. I can feel myself hungry for the wrong things because I don't have enough good choices here.

Still, I've made a lot of good progress, and I need to keep focused on that. I just put a bunch of slacks in the Goodwill pile: basically everything that I bought when I was getting bigger is now big enough that I can't even keep them up well with a belt. And I saved the old ones, so really I just swapped the two piles. If I can put in a little bit more work each week, it won't be long until I can switch into maintenance mode ... and maybe go shopping!

What's the dumbest law you've ever seen?

I don't mean stuff that doesn't get enforced. I mean stuff like this.

I know, it's been around for a while, but like the security theater at airports, sometimes you forget why it's there in the first place. And sometimes it takes a case like that one to make you realize how stupid the law was in the first place.

Think about it this way. I own a bank and you're using my ATM. If you get your PIN wrong twice in a row, then it's obviously not your card and you're trying to hack into someone else's account, and you're going to jail, and not only that, but basically you've got pretty much no chance of escaping the charges because I got the law to say that intent doesn't matter. You got it wrong twice, therefore you're a criminal.

Most people would see that as stupid. The panicky Indiana legislature obviously didn't. Hearing the prosecutor talk about it made me think I was listening to a Cook County prosecutor. I'm just doing my job, that's the law, nothing I can do, and anyway it would be too much work to actually have to do my job.

This is one of those things about which Reagan was so clueless. You can't fight a "war" on drugs. If you want to cut down on drug use, you have to find out why people use, and you have to present or provide alternatives that are or become more appealing than using.

You'd think that by the huge number of drug users in jail, prosecutors would have figured out that the prospect of jail time doesn't work as a deterrent. You'd be wrong. Hell, there's probably no shortage of addicts who aren't entirely sure why they're using anyway ... expecting them to break the habit because they might get arrested is just plain stupid.

But who knows? Maybe this will be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Maybe it'll get a small-county prosecutor to use some common sense for a change ...

NFL recap, week 3

Dear announcers, it's better to keep the ball than to punt it. Pretty much any team can get one yard. Some coaches realize this. Too bad you don't.

• Yeah, those are the Cardinals that we remember from the regular season last year. While conventional wisdom is wrong (you don't win by running the ball and stopping the run, you win by building a lead, typically with the pass, and protecting the lead, typically by running), there is something to the theory that you can't throw every down, but that's only true if you have a mediocre passing game, and right now that's what Arizona has.
• Atlanta won't go 16-0, but I don't know that it says a lot that they were unable to win in New England. As long as they can keep pace with New Orleans, they should be in position for another playoff appearance.
• The Ravens' offense is back again, and the defense looked pretty good against Cleveland. But then, what defense doesn't?
• So T.O. may not make it to snow season in Buffalo, then. Because you know if he's having issues now, the first time he looks outside and realizes that there are six feet of snow in his driveway and no one else seems that bothered by it, he's going to really throw a fit when he doesn't catch any passes and Edwards doesn't keep throwing to him.
• I didn't see much of the Bears, but it sounds like Jay Cutler doesn't really suck all that much after all. Patience, Chicago fans.
• I'm not convinced Cincinnati is all that. On the other hand, they are winning games, and the defense is contributing. Of course, with Marvin Lewis in charge, any one of the main players could end up in jail by the end of October.
• How can Eric Mangini be on the hot seat? Not that I like the guy, but hello? He just took over a bad team, a team which apparently has a lot of issues both on the field (can we maybe take a closer look at the idea that Brady Quinn is an NFL quarterback?) and off the field (not paying for hotel rooms? what?). Miami and Atlanta made progress in part because they added the right pieces and in part because they had talent there that maybe wasn't being used that well. Cleveland doesn't have either of those benefits. Give the man a chance.
• Denver is not a 3-0 team. sorry.
• One thing I liked from Detroit's game: late in the first half, Detroit was driving, Stafford completed a pass to rookie TE Brandon Pettigrew for a first down. Pettigrew was either winded or banged up, so as soon as the play was over, he ran back through the line and toward the Lions' sideline ... but Kevin Smith saw that Stafford was going to call a spike play, and fearing that there would be illegal motion, Smith caught Pettigrew and had him stand in the backfield (as he might in a fullback position) so Stafford could kill the clock. Great move by the second-year player ... hope he's not hurt too badly. How odd is it that Detroit hadn't beaten Washington in decades at one point, and now they top the Redskins to end the second-longest losing streak in NFL history?
• Nothing can really be learned from beating the Rams, I'm afraid, but at least Green Bay fans have to feel relieved that they didn't play down to St. Louis' level like Washington did. Look what happened the next week ...
• The Texans let one get away and it is going to cost them. Losing divisional games at home is never a good thing, and with Tennessee and Jacksonville struggling, this should have been Houston's chance to challenge Indianapolis for the division. Doesn't look like it'll happen this year.
• The Colts are back to normal. Why do people blitz Manning and leave single coverage on receivers? I mean, you can do it if you overload one side and get there quickly, but otherwise you might as well just drop eight because if you show your defense, Peyton will pick you apart.
• The demise of the Jaguars may not have been prematurely reported, but road wins are nice things to collect. The passing game still looks a bit ragged, though, and Jack Del Rio is going to have to get that straightened out if Jacksonville is to avoid double digits in losses.
• Speaking of double digits in losses ... the Chiefs should be happy that Al Davis is crazy, because otherwise they'd be working on a fifteen-game losing streak. I'm not sure there are four winnable games on their schedule, and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if they lost 15 or even 16 games. This is a bad team. (Of course they can't lose 16 if the Browns do, and I'll bet that game in December is not a sellout, not even in KC.)
• Time to test a former Michigan QB. Mr. Henne, that Brady guy got a permanent job thanks to injury ... Dolphins fans aren't expecting that much from you, but ... actually, yes they are. This Cinderella is probably going home in a pumpkin this season. I think Henne's had enough of a chance to show something in the NFL and hasn't done so, and the Dolphins need something. The Wildcat-style plays work a lot better when there's some threat of a pass.
• BrettFavreBrettFavreBrettFavre. gah. Big win, though, especially with the Bears and Packers off to good starts. (Of course it doesn't hurt that the Williamses aren't ever going to get suspended. Discipline in sports is such a joke, it kills me that the players' association agrees to a system of discipline and then runs off and takes it to court any time there is a case they don't like. It's no wonder so many players cheat, why wouldn't you? You know the union will have your back no matter how big of a cheater you are. And never mind players like these two who might actually have taken stuff by mistake. Of course no one really wants to ask why it is that NFL players with access to better dietitians than pretty much anyone else in the world need to take weight-loss supplements.)
• Tom Brady isn't 100%, and word seems to be going around that he won't be 100% for quite some time, maybe not this season. Karma for Spygate? No, probably just the inevitable decline of a franchise that's had a very successful run. QBs like Manning is and Brady was are the exceptions, not the rule; it's a very difficult position to play for years and avoid serious injury.
• New Orleans may have had a fairly easy schedule so far (other than the Eagles), but they're dominating those teams, and that's a good sign. Great teams tend to blow out bad teams; good teams squeak past bad ones. Brees may not set any records this season, but if the defense continues to play well, he won't have to. Pierre Thomas had a nice game, and if he and Mike Bell can continue to be productive, maybe Payton will finally put Reggie Bush where he belongs, as a wideout and occasional third-down back. It should be clear by now that Bush isn't an NFL RB.
• Same thing for the Giants: run over a bad team and that's a good sign. Plaxico who?
• Mark Sanchez hasn't necessarily carried the Jets this far, but he's certainly helped them more than the average rookie QB would. It's still early, and he may not turn out to have a Ryan-type season, but right now I don't think Jets fans really care about much of anything other than 3-0. The defense deserves a lot of credit for that, but they should save some for the rookie from USC.
• Oakland is bad. Baaaaaad. JaMarcus Russell is not an NFL QB. Al Davis is not an NFL owner. I'm not sure Tom Cable is an NFL head coach. But hey, they have a win.
• Kevin Kolb wasn't terrible against the Chiefs, which really doesn't say much. Michael Vick wasn't effective in his brief appearances, which doesn't say anything at all. (The man was in prison, for goodness sake.) With Tampa Bay, Oakland, and Washington next, this team should be 5-1, and if they are, we still won't really know how good they are.
• Pittsburgh's off to something of a rough start, and the NFC North doesn't look quite as bad right now as some people thought, so there are some tougher games ahead. Then again, the Steelers play the AFC West, so there are also some easier games ahead. And did someone say Cleveland?
• The Rams are really bad. Steve Spagnuolo has his work cut out for him. I mean, the expansion Buccaneers lost 26 in a row in the '70s, the AFL nearly-expansion Raiders lost 19 in a row in the '60s, the Millened Lions lost 19 in a row just now ... and it's not out of the question for the Rams to match Tampa Bay this season. In their next six games, the only really winnable ones are games at Jacksonville ... and at Detroit.
• News to Chargers fans: running backs are fungible. Of course, you might have realized this by now, as Darren Sproles fills in just fine for the injured LDT. Now, lose one or two linemen, and you've got yourselves a problem. P.S. Not worth the money. Well, unless it's an uncapped year.
• San Francisco has to be kicking themselves after letting one get away in the Metrodome. (Can't wait for that stupid thing to be torn down. At least the Twins don't play there any more.) With Seattle and Arizona crashing and burning, there's no reason why the 49ers couldn't wrap up this division in November ... but to do that, they've got to finish off teams, even teams that don't have FavreFavreFavreFavreFavreFavre. Hey, that Hill guy isn't such a bad quarterback, is he?
• Let's not talk about the uniforms. Let's talk about Jim Mora Jr. throwing his kicker under the bus. A) replacement-level kickers are pretty bad, so after you piss this one off, you're still screwed, and B), maybe you should be asking why it is that your kicker had to try to bail out the offense six times, Jimmy boy. You may not be aware of this, but kicking outside isn't that easy.
• Raheem Morris, oh man. There's a reason why no one else was really looking for this job.
• I think Jeff Fisher can probably write his own exit when he feels like it (or at least ought to be able to after what he's done in Tennessee), but do you wonder if maybe he's lost just a few too many assistants? Or maybe he just doesn't have the same fire that he used to, and his teams are losing those close games they used to win. 0-3 is not a good place to be, and at this point you can probably write off the division, which means you better start looking at the AFC East as your challengers for a wild-card spot. Get going, Titans.
• Jim Zorn. Problems in Washington. A six-point loss to the Giants was very respectable, but then a two-point win over the Rams (ouch), a loss to the Lions (oh no) ... Tampa Bay, Carolina, and Kansas City up next. If the Redskins aren't at least 3-3 going into the Philadelphia game, the next head coach will have to deal with the same mess every other Dan Snyder coach has had to face: how to piece together a bunch of parts that don't fit. Someone on ESPN said it right, it's like Snyder is putting together a fantasy team. It's not just "talent", Dan.

College football, Saturday viewing

12:00, Indiana-Michigan
It's hard to evaluate these two teams properly. Michigan's probably not one of the top 25 teams in the country, and Indiana's probably somewhere between sixth- and ninth-best in the Big Ten, but on Saturday they looked pretty even. Michigan's defense looked pretty bad for most of the game, and once again Tate Forcier had to finish off a late touchdown drive for the win.

Naturally, with Big Ten refs involved, there were egregiously wrong calls. I find it hard to believe that there are officials employed with the league who don't know basic rules like simultaneous possession, but apparently there are, and Jim Delany will crack down on that as soon as he figures out it's not 1970. Indiana fans should be justifiably upset about that blown call: the strides that the Michigan offense has made were noticeable, and this was likely IU's last shot at a win in Ann Arbor for a long time.

I think it should be clear that the version of the spread that Rodriguez has brought to Michigan is already paying dividends, and when you think about the type of recruits he should be able to get the next year or so, you may well see an offense like what Urban Meyer has at Florida. (Then compare that to what Jim Tressel is running at Ohio State. And smile.)

3:30, Western Kentucky-Navy
Blackout stupidity: Illinois-Ohio State wasn't available on ESPN because it was the local game on ABC. Two questions: why was it on ESPN then, especially considering that ABC and ESPN are owned by the same company, and why wasn't I shown an alternate game? I mean seriously, I have about eight games from which to choose and you think I'm going to watch ABC because you can "make" me? That's so '60s.

So I watched some old-style option football. Not much to say about this, other than they had an interesting thing on the sidelines where I think the Navy mascot was trying to toss cheerleaders' pompoms into the Western mascot's mouth. I love college football.

Also, it's hard to explain how difficult it is to defend the option when a) the team you're playing runs it well and b) you don't run it at all. Unless you have superior athletes (who can thus overcommit and still catch up on the play), you spend the entire game chasing the wrong guy with the ball. As Paul Johnson is showing at Georgia Tech, it can be successful to a certain extent against top competition (and perhaps not much more than that), but for lower teams, it's definitely a good, well, option, especially when you remember that Navy can't recruit just whoever they want.

8:00, Purdue-Notre Dame
To my great surprise, Purdue's defense didn't look nearly as bad against Notre Dame as they did early this season. (Then again, maybe they faced some tough offenses ... Idaho's win at Northern Illinois made that loss look a lot worse, but look at home Oregon shredded Cal in Eugene and it makes that loss look a lot better.) Special teams weren't bad (meaning Valentin didn't fumble), but then there was the offense. Let's be honest, Elliott is still the same guy who couldn't beat out Curtis Painter for the starting job last season; in some respects, he's the equivalent of Nick Sheridan, a caretaker who's the best option available. Next season, with Marve available and perhaps some recruits, Hope might have a guy better suited to the offense or perhaps to being a QB in general. Elliott just doesn't seem to make enough good decisions.

Notre Dame is starting to collect injuries at their skill positions and I think that might be a problem moving forward. They don't have too many easy games left on their schedule (only Washington, Washington State, and Navy really fit that category), and if they are struggling to put their starting offense on the field, it could be another tough year in South Bend. Of course, Weis always brings a tactical advantage to the field, isn't that what he said? I wonder what level of football he was referring to.

Late game, Texas Tech-Houston
I don't remember the last time I saw fans rush the field when their top-25 team beat a team they were expected to beat. I guess that tells you what it's like in Houston. It's been a while since they've been consistently good, and really the last stretch was probably the late '80s or so when Jack Pardee and John Jenkins ran up the score so people would think better of their teams ... as soon as teams adjusted to their run-and-shoot offense, that came back to bite them hard. The Cougars seem to be running a Big-12-like offense, and I'm still not convinced that the Big 12 actually has defenses to match, so this was an interesting game to watch.

Thoughts on other scores and games
Maybe JoePa needs to start scheduling better opponents early in the season. That stuff makes sense if you're rebuilding a weak program and trying to slip into a bowl, but it doesn't make sense if you're trying to win a "title", and even though the Hawkeyes have been struggling in most of their other games, Ferentz still seems to have the Lions' number.

California didn't even make it a week before tripping over their first-place position in the conference. But who knows? Maybe Oregon is really the team that's going to challenge USC's checkbook for the conference title, and their rough start against Boise State and Purdue isn't indicative of that team's quality.

The bloom is off the Spartan in East Lansing; maybe Mark Dantonio is focusing a little too much on big brother and not quite enough on the rest of the schedule. Two weeks ago, Michigan State could have been entertaining thoughts of a New Year's Day game, but now they could be in a position where another untimely loss or two might cost them a bowl bid. With Michigan and Penn State at either end of their remaining schedule and some potentially tough games in between, the Spartans are looking more like a middle-of-the-pack team and less like a contender.

I don't know why Kentucky fans were booing as Florida took them apart. Hello? You're hosting the #1 team in the country, and frankly, your team isn't that good. Settle down and be thankful you're not getting blown out by a bad team.

Ever wonder what I was like as a kid?

Now you know.

At one point in time or another, every single one of those questions, if asked about me, could have been answered "Yes".

I link to this not to say that I'm gifted blah blah whatever, but to show that while sometimes you might feel that articles like this aren't much more than horoscopes, other times they're pretty darn accurate.

NFL recap, week 2, night games edition

NY Giants at Jerry Jones
Can't blame the man for building a huge stadium (why is it that most teams with multi-decade waiting lists build stadiums the same size as their old stadiums?), but really, you'd think NBC just discovered Atlantis or something, and I don't mean this. Also, someone, I think Al Michaels, was going on and on and on about how every city should have an NFL team. Did you know that Los Angeles can support a team because it drew 100,000 people to a game 50 years ago? Yessir, it's true.

The best part was when he was using Jacksonville as an example of a city that can support a team. You know, the city that shrank its stadium and still can't sell all the seats. Also, last I recall, Los Angeles didn't seem too torn up about letting two franchises go not that long ago, or maybe Al was too busy broadcasting those games to remember.

Anyway, on the field, Tony Romo completely failed to shut down the Giants' offense, didn't cover punts and kickoffs at all, and didn't manage a single point from placekicking. Yes, he's the entire problem in Dallas, or didn't you know that? (ESPN actually ran a poll today asking whether or not Dallas would win a Super Bowl with Romo. Of course all 50 states said no. Never mind that it would be a fairly safe bet to say that about any of the 28 teams that haven't won a Super Bowl with their current quarterback. Because, you know, only one team wins each year, and some teams win more than others.)

Eli looked pretty comfortable on his final drive, and I don't think the Giants will miss Burress nearly as much as Dallas will miss Owens. Sure, T.O. is a big distraction, but he's also most definitely a #1 receiver, and I still don't believe Roy Williams is. Of course, that's probably Romo's fault too.

Indianapolis at Miami
Here's my theory about the "Wildcat". The way Miami runs it, it's simply a variation on a flexbone-style offense, with the distinction being that for the most part, the Dolphins tip their hand on the type of play they're running. If White or Pennington are on the field, it may be a pass; if not, it's a run. As many NCAA defenses have shown, knowing that a flexbone team is running the ball is not at all the same as being able to stop the run, and against teams like New England and Indianapolis, misdirection on the ground can be a big advantage (especially when you have 10 blockers and not 9, which is what happens when an RB takes a shotgun snap and there's no QB on the field).

This is also why Miami struggles in games where they don't have the lead. Various 'bone offenses fell out of favor in college for several reasons, mostly that they suck at moving the ball quickly. Miami ran a ton of time off the clock in part due to being able to run the ball so well, but that doesn't help when you need to pass, and their normal offense isn't unlike their pro-bone offense: ball control, with lots of running and short, controlled passing.

So yeah, the Colts had the ball for less than 15 minutes ... but you don't get points for time of possession. Miami missed one field goal (right after Gruden said one thing he didn't like about kicking from that spot was giving Peyton the ball at about the 40) and settled for two others, and that's not enough points to beat Indy most games. Miami left too much time on the clock in the second quarter and didn't use their final minutes well enough in the fourth, and now the Colts are 2-0 against Florida teams. (The AFC South plays the NFC West this season, so no Florida Sweep for Jim Caldwell.)

I'm not really surprised that Mike Tirico spent so much time talking about time of possession and so little time talking about points per possession. I don't think he's that good of a play-by-play guy. I think Jaws does great analysis; Gruden isn't bad at color and analysis, but gets a little too carried away. I think the producer needs to shut up and let the guys talk. Scripting the third guy's comments didn't work for Dennis Miller, didn't work for Kornheiser, and won't work for Gruden either.

NFL recap, week 2

(I didn't say much about last week's Oakland/San Diego game because the announcers were so bad I couldn't listen any more.)

• Okay, so this is more like the defending NFC champions. Arizona looked pretty darn good at Jacksonville and Beanie Wells showed signs of being the runner that Tim Hightower and Edgerrin James (among others) have not been.
• The Falcons continue to execute on offense, but the defense looked a bit sketchy at times. Of course, when you're trying to cover the Steve Smith (as opposed to a Steve Smith, like the Giants guy), that may be understandable.
• Nice win for the Ravens, even though the offense seemed a little more like the Baltimore offense we're used to seeing. Baltimore slowed San Diego just enough to hang on for the win; fortunately they won't face teams like that in their division ... oh wait.
• Trent Edwards looks pretty comfortable in Buffalo. Marshawn Lynch might be in for a surprise when he comes back; Fred Jackson had another good game. The only thing saving Lynch might be the utter lack of depth at the position. Even if Lynch doesn't start again, he'll get reps if for no other reason than to keep Jackson fresh.
• The Panthers looked a little better this week, but still trailed most of the game against Atlanta. I can't imagine that things will get better: Carolina doesn't really have an answer behind Delhomme, and there aren't free agent QBs waiting to win you a Super Bowl.
• Nice win for Chicago over Pittsburgh OMG Roethlisberger Super Bowl OMG. (Sorry, Phil Simms was calling the game.) Jay Cutler sucks now, doesn't he?
• Cincinnati picked up a nice win on the road at Green Bay; the offense looked a bit more like what people were expecting this season, and Cedric Benson appears to be fitting in well.
• Kyle Orton is doing a decent job in Denver, even without much help from his receivers or the coaching staff (there were some questionable play calls in today's game). Brandon Marshall probably needs to mend fences pretty quick if he's going to play in Denver. Either that or he should start looking for housing in Oakland. Who else picks up head cases?
• Jim Schwartz is definitely getting better results in Detroit, but unfortunately for him, the "results" are coming a quarter at a time. Detroit started off very well against the Vikings and did not give up huge plays in the passing game. They did have trouble bringing down A.P. at times, and they didn't score very much, but they did score. Eventually, Stafford will figure out that Number 81 can jump. (Did he not ever throw jump balls at Georgia?)
• The Packers have to be disappointed that they lost a home game; it may turn out that the Bengals are a pretty good team, but right now there may not be much that separates Chicago, Minnesota, and Green Bay, so games like this may end up being the difference between a spot in the playoffs and a spot in front of the TV. (I doubt either wild card will come from the North.)
• The Texans didn't get anything on the ground again this week (oh my poor fantasy team), but it didn't matter as Tennessee apparently decided that Andre Johnson isn't that good. oops. Huge road win for Houston, and with the Jets' result it seems more like this is a team who can challenge Indianapolis for the AFC South title.
• When I first tried Superstar Mode in Madden 10 (that mode sucks, by the way, for a number of reasons), I was drafted by Jacksonville, and I couldn't understand why they continued to run a small RB into the line over and over again when the line couldn't block. I thought the Jaguars were better than that. After today's game, well, maybe they're not.
• Matt Cassel Bandwagon, last stop ... oh wait, no one's on board. The Chiefs have some issues, like not being very good. 10 points at home against Oakland is a good way to put themselves into position to draft Jimmy Clausen.
• Brett Favre has apparently been asked to be conservative: don't cost us any games, just move the ball downfield until we get the lead and then feed A.P. He's done that very well so far. I still think he'll implode at some point, but I have to give him credit for not doing it yet.
• Something's wrong with the Patriots' offense. Maybe it's that Belicheat can't keep replacing coordinators with similarly-talented people. Maybe it's that Tom Brady isn't 100% yet. Maybe it's just karma. (Of course, if it were, then teams with Belicheat disciples like Notre Dame, Cleveland, and Denver would all be struggling ...) Or maybe the AFC East is suddenly really tough and New England will have four more divisional games like these this season.
• New Orleans is on fire. No, not like that, fool. Drew Brees is putting the ball wherever it needs to go, the running game is solid even without Pierre Thomas (and with Mike Bell's injury, Thomas will have to be ready to go next week, I think), and the defense does what it needs to do. While it may not be ready to stop an elite offense, who knows when they'll face one? Up next: Buffalo.
• Mark Sanchez is not 2-0. He is on a 2-0 team. Don't make it sound like he is singlehandedly carrying them: he was tolerable on Sunday, but the defense did an outstanding job against the Patriots.
• Someone needs to take control of the Raiders from Al Davis. JaMarcus Russell is 19 of 54 on this young season, and while in Davis' foggy brain, this is coming from a 1961-style offense, we're not talking about 40-yard dropped passes. The Raiders won, but they still don't have a quarterback.
• Sure, McNabb was out, but he doesn't play defense, you know. (In fact, Eagles fans might think to remember that regularly. Defensive problems cannot be blamed on Number 5.) Yes, Brees is at the top of his game now, but Philadelphia didn't slow him that much, and if Westbrook is out for any length of time, this is pretty much the worst-case scenario for Andy Reid.
• I wonder if something is also missing from the Pittsburgh offense. I don't think the Steelers can afford to keep playing low-scoring games if they struggle to close out their opponents, and an argument can be made that Chicago is not the kind of team that Pittsburgh should be losing to. The Bears didn't make a lot of mistakes and Pittsburgh didn't really earn too many points on their own.
• The Chargers' offense put up a lot of pretty numbers, but once again the defense looked shaky. It's all well and good to suggest that the Chiefs and Raiders will not be a threat in the division, but the Broncos might be, and right now it doesn't look like San Diego can count on certain wins anywhere else in their schedule.
• St. Louis is bad. Steven Jackson is trapped on a bad team. Steve Spagnuolo may make a difference eventually, but right now you could probably offer even money on the Rams and Lions combining for fewer than four wins this season and not get many takers.
• Hey, did you hear the one about the young guy surrounded by stupid advisors who threw away $15 million in guaranteed money? No? You will. The 49ers didn't miss Crabtree at all against Seattle, and we're probably past the point where he'd make any difference if he did sign. P.S. Jerry Rice says you made a mistake, so maybe you should listen. He was kind of good once.
• Matt Hasselbeck ran, didn't slide, was hit in the back semi-questionably (the NFL really doesn't call piling on at all, but when you slide forward technically you're not down, so you can't blame Willis for diving like he did), and on a play that didn't make a lot of difference, the Seahawks suddenly have a problem. Good thing for them that St. Louis still sucks, because third place is looking like a probably destination unless Wallace is actually a solid QB.
• Tampa Bay is apparently rebuilding. Unluckily for them, New Orleans and Atlanta are not. It's going to be a long season for another new head coach ...
• Fourth and one, what kind of play do you not run? A sweep. You know this. I know this. Jim Zorn does not know this. Fortunately they were playing the Rams, so they won anyway, but really, you either run straight up the middle, go with play action, or kick. I'm sure the next coach will figure that out. I don't know that Jason Campbell is going to work with this offense, but I think that may be more on the coordinator and head coach and less on the QB himself. (Of course in the NFL, your reputation sometimes has more to do with your future employment than your ability. If Campbell is labeled a bust, it won't matter what he could actually do.)

College football, Saturday viewing

Friday note on Boise State vs. Fresno State: Boise continues to pick up victories. Can't say for sure if this was poor defense or simply a good job on the road, but either way it's a big WAC win for the Broncos as they stay alive in the chase for a BCS spot that will absolutely not be in the title game (Boise State is ineligible because the pollsters have decided it).

First wave: Northern Illinois at Purdue
Oh my goodness. Just like last season. The offense did nothing, the defense still cannot figure out how the QB is managing that "run" thing, tackling is occasionally suspect, and now special teams have gone to pot (which is saying something considering that they actually scored on a punt return early in the game).

Given the other action of the weekend (see below for some), Toledo looks less impressive and Oregon looks more impressive, so it's possible that this was just a tough matchup, but nevertheless you have to give NIU credit for controlling the game. They ran the ball very well, passed well when they needed to, and shut down Bolden almost completely.

Considering that the Huskies prefer not to throw the ball (they are basically running a throwback offense, think '70s Big Ten), the Notre Dame game is really, really worrisome. If Clausen is healthy he will throw for 400 yards, Floyd or no Floyd. I believe that game is now unwinnable, and I am concerned about the prospects for the Big Ten season. Northwestern is certainly beatable, but I wouldn't be sure about the rest of the games.

Second wave: Utah at Oregon, bits of Michigan State at Notre Dame
My, the Ducks certainly turned things around pretty well. The offense looked decent and the defense was very solid. Given BYU's terrible defense against Florida State, you have to wonder if this season is going to put an end to the non-BCS uprising (which would be a shame; ironically this would be the perfect season to be including non-BCS champions, just so they could point out how unworthy they were). With USC's loss to Washington, the Pac-10 may be interesting after all. Minnesota played well against Cal for a while, but they did let Best score a few times. (Funny how ESPN reported in their little snippet that Best scored all of the Bears' points. Really? I didn't know he kicked too.)

Sparty failed to get the job done in South Bend. Clausen may chuck and cower at the first sign of pressure, but when he has time to throw he does a lot of damage. MSU had a winnable game and did not get the job done either this week or last, they may well regret that at season's end. Dantonio stated that his primary focus was beating Michigan, and he's done that once, but if he can't start picking up these other wins the heat in East Lansing will intensify.

Third wave: bits of Georgia at Arkansas, Kansas State at UCLA, Hawaii at UNLV
Didn't focus too much on the Georgia-Arkansas game thanks to Rock Band, but we did notice scoring. A lot of scoring. Kind of like Eugene Robinson at a Super Bowl scoring. Probably something for Bobby Petrino to work on.

Not sure why Bill Snyder came back to K-State, and it may be that Rick Neuheisel actually has someone to challenge Cal and USC in the Pac-10. I missed the first half, I think, so I really just watched the UCLA defense doing its job. I also missed the end of the UNLV-Hawaii game, which is a shame because it looked pretty exciting. Got to like late-night football.

Other notes:
I know Maryland's AD has been very comfortable with Ralph Friedgen, but after their home loss to Middle Tennessee State, the Terrapins have to be one of the bigger disappointments in I-A football. I can't picture him coaching another season there; on the other hand, he'll last the season and Dan Hawkins may not. Colorado blanked Wyoming, but frankly that isn't going to matter if the Buffaloes don't play tolerably in Big 12 games.

Pete Carroll chokes away another Pac-10 game. Somewhere in the idolatry that is the coverage of the USC program, someone ought to be pointing out how USC is consistently out of the national title picture largely because Carroll can't get his team ready for every single game in the conference. If the Pac-10 had another solid team, USC would probably have been out of the BCS picture half of the seasons Carroll's been there. Granted, this may sound like nitpicking, but I think it's more like the praise John Wooden got for his run at UCLA. Looks great on paper, but perhaps not so much when you consider the quality of opposition (at the time, the tournament was split geographically, so UCLA really only had to knock off one solid team at most to play in the title game while the ACC, SEC, and Big 10 champs all found themselves in the same half of the draw).

Add Al Groh to the list of coaches not likely to return. Losing on the road at Southern Miss shouldn't really hurt that much, but it's the 0-3 start that will likely have Cavaliers fans calling for Groh's firing. It's clear very few college coaches can succeed in the pros: has anyone noticed that not all pro coaches can succeed in college?

Indiana is probably the least impressive 3-0 team in I-A football right now, but Hoosier fans don't care ... sometimes it's better to build confidence by scheduling weaker teams and beating them. Put a light non-conference schedule together with a couple of conference wins and you get yourself a December road trip ... play a tough non-conference schedule and a lot of times you end up 4-8 or 3-9 with people wondering why you're not winning games. Lynch may not be the best coach for the job, but he's getting the job done, and another bowl appearance may get him a contract extension.

How to be completely wrong

Watching Boise State vs. Fresno State. Fresno State returns the opening kick of the second half for a TD, but there are offsetting fouls on the play and Boise State has to kick again.

The Bulldogs put the same returners on the field. One of them has just run 100-plus* yards. What would you do? Kick it back to him, right? Because he just ran 100-plus yards and the other returner did not.

Not so fast, my friends. The announcers "cleverly" suggested that the Broncos were better off kicking to the other guy (who, it should be noted, did not just run 100-plus yards).

So naturally Boise State kicks to the other guy (away from the guy who just ran the kick back) and he returns the ball 80 yards. Message to booth: when one of the two returners is breathing heavily because he just ran the length of the field, that is the guy to whom you want to kick.

*Remember that the NCAA counts touchdown plays from end zone to end zone as 100 yards. I guess it's because they don't want to have to estimate how far Red Grange ran and stuff like that.

Weigh-in: Week 28, -1.4 pounds

This was an interesting week because over the weekend, it looked like I might be gaining this week. It wouldn't have been a surprise, considering that this was the opening weekend of the NFL season, I was going out on Saturday to watch college football, and I do like my football, except that with all this in mind I was still eating carefully. (Remember, daily weighing means that you'll see temporary fluctuations in either direction.)

But then the weekdays arrived and normalcy returned. Either that or ... never mind. Anyway, yesterday was kind of funny. I noticed two things: in the evening, I was really, really hungry, and around 10 or so, I felt a migraine approaching. I thought about the combination of hunger and migraine and wondered if perhaps something was amiss.

I counted through the day's food (I don't log any more): protein bar, toast, hamburgers, corn and peas ... um ... um ... fiber bar ... and I came up with 1400 calories, rounding up. When your daily allotment is 2000, that's a pretty significant difference, especially considering I had about 400 at "dinner". So I figure my body was panicking, knocking stuff off shelves and jumping up and down on the bed trying to get me to feed it. I ate another protein bar, took some Advil, and that seemed to fix the situation. It did serve as a reminder that I do need to plan my eating better ... it's great that I have all these 200-calorie pieces that I can assemble for meals, but I still need 10 of them a day.

So anyway, it looks like I need to go to Kohl's and hit their sale. (Hopefully my card is for an additional 30% off. I always seem to get the low discounts.) As much as I like the loose-clothing look, the vast majority of jeans that I have just aren't going to cut it any more. My goal is in sight, less than 4 pounds away.