NFL Training Camp, 60-Day Workout: Day 8

So I remembered that being at work for a full day kind of fills your schedule. Updates running a little late. This is Thursday's workout.

Why would you work out indoors in Atlanta? Do you remember Super Bowl Weekend?

Day 8, the start of week 2. We start moving up the coast, this time visiting the Georgia Dome in Atlanta. Today's trainer is Michael Turner, yet another player who is similar to me only in height. I decided against working out with Matt Ryan mostly because of his nickname, which I find too dumb even to repeat here.

Torture with a smile.

This workout reminded me of one difference between a female trainer and a male trainer. If I were working out with, say, Jillian Michaels, while I was lying on the floor, unable to lift my arms or legs, as my vision dimmed, I would at least be able to look at an attractive woman, and my last thought before I died of exhaustion would be "She's smiling ... I think she likes me," while she'd probably be thinking "Srsly?" With a male trainer, my last thought would be "I wonder if he's going to tear out my liver and eat it?", and his reaction would probably be "I knew this was a bad idea. None of these guys are in shape."

I find it interesting that even a program can identify a specific workout at which you struggle and make you do it again and again. Upper-body weakness? No problem. Here are some shoulder presses. Now repeat them. Here, hold weights up while you squat. Do that again. Now pushups. Ha ha ha!

I had problems with three exercises. During the hammer curl, somehow the game was reading the sensor movement backward, so when I lifted my arms, it thought I'd lowered them, and vice versa. Basically, when this happens, I just try to figure out how long I'm supposed to hold the position, and then I do the reps on my own. If the game catches up, fine, and if not, I either go through the motions without the weights to get credit for the workout, or I just skip to the next one.

The reverse crunches failed again ... the only way it knew I'd lowered my legs is if I put my feet on the floor, which defeats the purpose of the exercise (to keep your abs working the whole time). I just did the reps on my own and skipped the exercise.

Finally, the QB Window Challenge was a disaster, possibly because I needed the Wiimote in my passing hand. Same problems as above: up was down, forward was backward. It's really disappointing because I like some of these exercises, but it just seems like too much of a pain to figure out how I'm supposed to be doing them.

Another workout tomorrow, then an off day, and then back-to-back workouts again ...

NFL Training Camp, 60-Day Workout: Day 5

Where are my back-to-back off days?

Day 5, the second of back-to-back workouts, followed by two off days. Sounds like the NHL. (I think the NBA takes four days off after back-to-back games.)

I have virtually nothing in common with this man.

Looks like the Detroit Field Trip of Dominance, otherwise known as Florida. Today's workout was in the last of three stadiums in the state, Everbank Field in Jacksonville. (Apparently it's no longer Jacksonville Municipal Stadium. Sorry, can't push those updates out to the Wii.) I stuck with Maurice Jones-Drew, partly because he's one of the few NFL players shorter than I am and partly because I wanted to ask him about not being able to play in week 16, possibly costing me a chance at the league title.[1]

New drills today: the WR Challenge and the RB Obstacle Course. The WR Challenge wasn't much of anything, actually, but maybe because I'm on Medium ... first you jog, then you're supposed to run in place or lunge toward a "cone" (imagine that you're standing in the middle of a six-foot square marked by four cones, one at each corner) depending on what the narrator says.[2] I didn't have to lunge at all, just run or squat and then stand back up.

Next was a DB test (huh? I thought we were on offense), where you lunge up, left, or right depending on what the narrator says. More jogging, then a route-running drill where you run in a straight line and raise your hands when he says to ... in theory, the speed at which you run affects how far you "run" after the catch, but either that doesn't happen in this part or the lack of a left-leg sensor meant it wasn't catching my speed effectively. Maybe I just need to raise my legs higher. Anyway, the effect was that I coasted through each route.[3] I think we ran at the end, but whatever. End of the WR Challenge.

The RB Obstacle Course started with a tire drill (left-right-left-right, slowed down of course as the WR drill was), then jogging, then running through obstacles: punch left or right to stiff-arm tackling dummies or jump to clear arm tackles. This one went pretty quickly, which makes me wonder about the WR drill.

After that, it was the usual selection of exercises and stretches, focusing mostly on the lower body. I was prepared this time and had the leg sensor strapped tightly to me.[4] I only had to "skip" one workout, so I got more credit this time.

Afterward, I found that I'd moved up into the 6th round, to pick 190 (30th pick in the round because we're ignoring supplemental picks). Hello, conference championship loser![5] Purchased the Panthers helmet, did a quick check of achievements, and then shut down the Wii for a couple of days. I'll be back on Thursday.

---

[1] I lost by quite a bit, and it wasn't MJD's fault for being unable to play through yet another injury. I blame the commissioner for requiring us to set our lineups prior to the first game of the week. (return)
[2] Yeah, the players never actually say anything. Another "drawback" to using low-density discs on the Wii rather than high-density discs on the 360 and PS3. Drawback is in quotes because really, do we need each individual player to voice the same instructions? No, we don't. (return)
[3] You may recognize this as the Randy Moss Exercise. (return)
[4] I forgot to mention that I jumped out of the sensor yesterday. Ha ha. Who says white men can't jump? (return)
[5] The rules are here. Non-playoff teams pick in reverse order of record, then teams are grouped by the round in which they lost and then reverse order of record, which means right now, 21 through 24 are KC, Indy, Philadelphia, and New Orleans. I could end up in Seattle![6] (return)
[6] Actually, I couldn't. The Seahawks would have a worse record than the other CC loser and would thus pick 29th. You may have heard something about their record somewhere.

NFL Training Camp, 60-Day Workout: Day 4

In which we learn that EA does not understand UI design in the slightest.

Yes, there is no entry for yesterday; I'm not going to write every time I sit on my couch. Off days, remember. So this is the third workout of four this week (Monday is next, then two off days).

Arrrrrr.

Today we virtually visit Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida. (Not Tampa Bay. Don't be silly. Build a stadium in the middle of a body of water? It can't be done.) My suggested trainer was Barrett Ruud, but in an attempt to avoid typecasting, I chose Ronde Barber. Basically, I wanted to ask him about that issue of Cat Fancy.[1]

I got to try the QB Read and React and Punting Challenge. The idea behind Read and React is that you're shown a pass pattern and where the receivers will be, then targets pop up in green or red. Throw to the green ones, don't throw to the red ones. Not so bad. Punting consists of swinging your leg, woo. You have to do it quickly, though ... one step and kick. Not a big fan. Of course the real problem is that you don't get to decide which leg you use. I kick left-footed, so I had to move the sensor to my other leg.

There was also a QB challenge that consisted of walking, the passing part I did on day one, and jogging. (QBs don't run, I guess.) This was the game where you run in place and zing the ball to receivers between linemen, with follow-through determining distance, at least in theory; in practice, the ball did what it wanted to, sometimes literally. I found that on several occasions, I was told to raise my throwing hand when I already had it raised, and when I lowered it, the ball was thrown. Very disappointing.

Naturally, I had the problem with the game thinking I was moving on other occasions, so I had to skip those exercises ... well, I didn't skip them. I did them on my own and then "skipped".

I made it through intact, went through the cooldown exercises, and started to buy items. Fortunately, I did well enough at the Punting Challenge (mostly by kicking weakly and watching the ball roll toward the target) that I was able to purchase several items. I realized I hadn't bought the Lions helmet yet, and that there was probably an achievement for that, so I did. Two achievements there (one for buying a helmet and one for buying my team helmet) gave me more points, so I did more buying ... and I remembered how poorly EA designs interfaces.

Now, keep in mind that this is the Wii, so there's already a handicap (slower processor than the 360 and PS3). To buy items, you go to that team's shop, where it displays everything related to the team. If you want to buy something else, you have to exit to the list of teams, then click on the team you want, and then it has to load those items. Each section (shirts, socks, gloves, etc.) loads separately as
well, so you spend a lot of time waiting. Of course motion controllers aren't designed for precision in the first place, and the game isn't compatible with Wii Plus (which probably contributes to other issues as well), so you spend a lot of time trying to find the correct spot to click. sigh.

As I try the different workouts, I find that the inaccuracy of the sensors is a pretty big issue. At least I can still do the exercises ... it'd be interesting to see how this would work on the Kinect, but apparently it isn't going to be released for the 360. (Perhaps that says something about their motion detection.)

---

[1] Nuts. It was Warrick Dunn. Never mind. (return)

NFL Training Camp, 60-Day Workout: Day 2

In which we learn that lineman are huge, fat creatures who can run faster than cars and also step on your soul.

Today is day 2 of my back-to-back workout days. It's impossible to work out 4 days per week and avoid back-to-back days[1] ... of course you can alternate days and have your back-to-back days be the end of the week, but that doesn't seem wise to me. Of course, right now back-to-back workouts don't seem wise to me either.

Today's workout was different in many ways, some of them not so good, most of them good. I'll just tell the story and let you decide what wasn't good. (Hint: IT'S WHEN I SHOUT. Subtlety and the internets don't mix.)

I was not actually here today.

Did I mention there was an achievement for working out in all 32 NFL stadiums?[2] Oh, the practice fields count separately. So anyway, it picks a stadium for you at random. Today it was Sun Life Stadium in Miami. Brandon Marshall was going to be my trainer, but no, he scares me, so I chose Michigan's Chad Henne instead.

We started off with the normal stretching exercises, then went on to some cardio and some weights. This time I was clever: I've got a set of Bowflex SelectTech 552 dumbbells[3], which are awesome, by the way, but anyway I brought them into the room with me so I could reach back and grab the appropriate weights for each exercise. (These are the kind where you dial the weight you want and lift them out. In this case, I was progressively dialing lighter and lighter weights.) So I'd just turn back, grab weights, and continue.

This time, I got to do the Lineman Challenge. In this one, you run hard for 20 yards or so, do a ladder thing for 20 yards (where you step into one square, to either side of the next square, into the next square, and so on, so your feet are going outside/left outside/right inside/left inside/right), walk for 20 yards or so, run in place with your hands out for 20 yards, and then jog for 20 yards. That's not too hard the first time, but like each challenge, you do it twice in the session.

One exercises involved the run-in-place thing, I forget what they call it, for 15 seconds, and of course that came up twice as well. Fortunately, the cats were both taking power naps when I began. (They both woke up later to inspect my form. Josie found it displeasing and tried to offer tips for improvement, while Calle made sure to desalinate my left hand while I was trying hard not to move: details below.)

We did some more squats from hell. I'm not a fan of holding things in place. I guess that means I need to build strength, and perhaps that was the cause of the first problem. I did shoulder presses OK (after doing these squats where you hold the weights up instead of down), but when it was time to do lateral shoulder raises ... remember when you first got your Wii, and you were bowling, and you'd go up to the line, and suddenly your Mii would start to bowl, even though you weren't moving? Well, that's essentially what happened. The Wii insisted that I stop moving and keep my arms still, which of course I was. I tried doing a number of different things, none of which worked, so I skipped the drill.

It happened again when I was doing reverse crunches. (I'd link, but I can't find anything that shows what it wanted me to do.) The idea was to lie on your back with your arms on the floor, bend your knees at a 90-degree angle, and lift your legs up, hold them there, then lower until your heels almost touch but don't quite touch. The problem was that it didn't register that I was lowering my legs until my feet were flat on the floor. (Not sure if this is a sensor issue, a placement-of-the-Wii issue, or what.) So I made it through 8 of 10 reps before it decided I wasn't trying any more, so I skipped that. (Hint: give us four sensors next time, jerks.)

Fortunately, the two exercises that crapped out were near the end, when I'd pretty much exhausted myself. I didn't actually see spots, and I didn't actually throw up, but I suddenly had no problem picturing someone working out to that point, especially if he'd had a dinner from one of the four main food groups[5] just hours before. Let's just say that the stretching exercises at the end that involved lying down on the floor were very welcome.

With just two workouts, I've moved up to pick 199 in the draft, which I believe is the seventh pick in the seventh round. (Presumably supplemental picks are not included in the game.) It's interesting to see how tired you can get after a 25-minute workout, especially when about 5 minutes are stretching and another 5 are watching the new exercises to learn how to do them. Then again, I haven't done a full-body workout in a long time, probably not since Volleybash in September.

Tomorrow is an off day. Woo! Then back to the Wii on Sunday.[6]

P.S. I want you to know that I spent somewhere between 30 and 60 minutes trying to figure out how I had my pictures and captions set up before. Apparently when I upgraded to the new layout, I forgot I'd had some custom styles that I wanted to keep. Anyway, it still bothers me, and I'll fix it properly, but for now it's barely tolerable, so appreciate my hard work. lolz.

P.P.S. Fixed now. Stupid spans. Not what I wanted.

---

[1] Dear visitors from other planets, certainly you have better things to do than quibble about our system of tracking days. I know your scheme. (return)
[2] I know there are 31 unique stadiums. I'm not entirely sure that EA knows, and even if they do, I'm sure they count it separately when you work out with Jets and with Giants. Now quiet down so we can continue. kthx. (return)
[3] Yes, that's an Amazon Associates link. Yes, I will make money if you buy that equipment after clicking through my site. If you love your country[4], you'll do it. (return)
[4] Your country doesn't have to be my country. It's a free-trade thing. We have a reciprocal agreement in place.
[5] Pizza, hamburgers, Chinese food, and Mexican food. In this case, it was breadsticks, which are obviously members of the Pizza family. (return)
[6] Yes, I know I didn't actually rant. Maybe I'm too tired, or maybe my expectations are too low. Maybe next time. (return)

NFL Training Camp, 60-Day Workout: Day 1

This is my deep, dark secret. All my life, I've wanted to be an NFL player.[1] One day I realized that the number of old, out-of-shape players in the league was 0[3], so I decided to do something about it: buy a video game.

Because I don't own a Kinect[4], the obvious answer was Wii Fit, except I already own it, and I don't use it that often. OK, the obvious answer was watching Chad Eight-Five's commercial for it. He may be a jerk on the field, but he's a hell of a salesman, and the NFL would do well to have more players like him. Besides, it was a neat idea: work out like the pros do[5] and track your progress.

Plus, they do the tracking by giving you two additional sensors, one for your upper arm that also measures your pulse and one for your upper thigh. These probably stay on better if you have an athlete's physique. (Why wouldn't they do two for your arms so that you don't hold the Wiimote so often? Don't know. For that matter, why not do both legs?)

I created my "person", synced it to my EA Sports account (more on this later), set my favorite team (Lions, duh) and trainer, which is really your workout leader (Calvin Johnson), and intensity level (medium, because really, I need to push myself). Off I went ...

So you do some stretches, then some weights and cardio, then cool-down stretches. Easy enough. Each exercise works kind of like Wii Fit: first an example, then you do it for real with the leader showing you what to do. The weight workouts want you to use this stupid resistance "band", which in my case was a silly piece of stretchy plastic/rubber, no loops on the end or anything. Fortunately, I'd read the reviews on Amazon, and several suggested that you use free weights instead. (As it turns out, you don't need to hold the Wiimote for those exercises.)

For one exercise, side plank, the Wii had trouble detecting my movement, probably because I wasn't holding the Wiimote. Other than that, things went pretty well. The passing exercise was interesting: you move your feet in the pocket and step into your throw for force ... so if you are dumb like me and don't rotate your hips, you get a lot of three-yard completions. Hello, Charlie Batch. No kicking, punting, OL, LB, or DB drills this time.

You get points after each workout, based on the duration and effort, plus bonus points for achievements, and those are what you might expect: achievements for overall time spent and calories burned, distance running, yards throwing, workouts done in each facility (practice fields plus NFL stadiums), etc. You then use points to buy things like workout gear for your player (you start off with just a T-shirt, shorts, and shoes), stadiums, helmets, stickers ... more little things to keep you going. It then can upload your info to the EA Sports Active server where it can tell the world how little they're doing in comparison to you.

I learned a couple of things today. One is that I am out of shape. Another is that, for one day at least, I can work out just like an NFL player.[6]

Actually, I learned three things. The other is that EA sucks. I was able to link this game to my existing EA account, but when I went to log in to EA Sports Active, it accepted my login, and then it wanted me to choose a display name, which isn't necessarily my profile name. WTF? I'm logged in, you dumbass. Obviously my display name is taken because I ALREADY SIGNED UP. Jesus. Either work with the EA Sports people or don't link the databases. The only thing worse than work not done is work done in a half-ass fashion.

After one day, I'd certainly recommend it. I did work up a nice sweat, utterly confusing one of the cats (the other one's seen everything before and was too busy napping to comment) and forcing me to wear actual workout clothes instead of that nice sweatshirt and sweatpants combo that hides the possibility that I may actually have eaten footballs for breakfast.

I'm to work out four days each week and take three days off: Thursday, Friday[7], Sunday, and Monday are workout days, I think. Monday or Tuesday, one of those. I promise nothing in the way of posting.

---

[1] until I counted the number of short, slow players in the league and combined that with my parents' (well-earned) fear of me breaking my glasses.[2] (return)
[2] like that time with the Nerf ball. Yes. A Nerf ball. They don't make glasses like they used to, thankfully.
[3] assuming that #4 stays retired. (return)
[4] it's a nice idea, but really, what am I going to do with it? Work out ... and ... (return)
[5] if they could only work out in a 4x6 area in front of their TVs. (return)
[6] and by that I mean an NFL player who retired five years ago and does sideline commentary now. Why hello, Mr. Siragusa. No, nothing at all. You must have heard me incorrectly. (return)
[7] obviously I'm not dating. This may or may not have anything to do with the footballs I ate. (return)

Completely unrelated things

Virtual me: I finished out the 2011 season at AAA New Orleans, dropping under the .200 mark again, and have been sent down to AA Jacksonville for 2012. Still a backup 3B. I'm not sure this version will ever make it to the bigs. We'll see.

I exhausted my trainer in Wii Fit Plus today. I did the first two levels of the Plank Challenge (20 and 40 seconds) and went to do the Jackknife Challenge (don't remember where I am on that, probably 50). She declined: said she was a little "off" today. I think that was Wii Fit's way of saying "too much today". w. So I did my jackknives through the regular menu instead. Wii Fit Plus is nice. I like that it carries everything over from Wii Fit so that you aren't starting from scratch, and some of the new activities are definitely fun, although some are challenging too.

Tecmo Super Bowl is now available for the 360 as Tecmo Bowl Throwback. Unfortunately, it's not the NES version, which I know to be totally awesome. This is the SNES version. It's been getting good reviews, so I'll have to check it out. After all, there is a thriving community of TSB fans out there ...

Fitness

So. I'm poking around on Amazon for who knows what reason Monday, and suddenly it tells me "Dude, you're not even trying to lose weight. Stop disguising your fat ass and get Wii Fit."

Well, to be more accurate, my body is fortunately shaped in such a way that I can hide the 20-25 extra pounds I carry, and Amazon doesn't (yet) word its requests in such a way. (Rest assured that if Apple designed an e-commerce site of that size, it would have a "Genius" that would absolutely talk to you that way. If it's such a genius, why doesn't it figure out a way to play the songs I like without taking up half of the application's real estate?) But Amazon did point out that Wii Fit was in stock, and would I like one?

I said yes please, and I added that $4.99 for next-day shipping. And I went back to work. kind of. (My Facebook profile updates? Yeah, that must be some weird thing on their part. I mean, I'm not really on Facebook all the time.)

So yesterday, Wii Fit arrives ... but there's more to the story. Certainly you're aware of the snowstorm, right? Yeah, for once, the forecasters were right on target. In fact, I'm typing this from the comfort of my home right now, after spending 30 minutes shoveling about a foot of snow from my driveway. So anyway, the roads are bad, I know, but I have to get home, because they lock up the building at 6. (I need to see if I can get a key so I can hang out longer in such situations.) Not that last night would have worked ...

... because I registered for the online Jeopardy test, just so I could convince my friends I'll never appear on the show. (Okay, not true: just so I could actually try to be on the show. My knowledge isn't near broad enough to qualify. How do I know? Well, when you know you miss at least 7-10 questions, you aren't going to make it.) The Tuesday test was at 8. I left at 5:30.

At 7:55, I pull into the driveway, after gathering enough speed to get through the snow and go uphill (the Civic isn't a big car, you know, although at least it's heavier than my old Protege). I dash around the corner of the garage, grab Wii Fit off the porch (yeah, my neighborhood is old-school: no one messes with packages), rush inside, drop coat, gloves, and package, and log on.

Last year, I had to take the test at my server/old computer, the one wired to the modem. Proxy stuff and all that. This year, no issues at all. I log in immediately and see I have 6 minutes. Hang up coat, bathroom break, then take the test. After knowing I failed, I go outside, get the mail and the little package that was underneath the big one, and set up Wii Fit.

Of course I try to sync the board without a disc in the drive. duh. I sync it up and we begin.

First sign of trouble: there's no 5'8½". Height is measured in inches. (Ha. Should have done metric. I'd be ... um ... 68.5 * 2.54 ... um ... about 170 cm? Okay, 174, but not bad off the top of my head, right? In that alternate world on a Sliders episode where academics were valued like athletics, I'd have my own harem. And no, there is no link, because most of the episodes on IMDB don't even have keywords, much less a plot synopsis.) So, like at work, we round up. No, really. For this health thing, they measured me as ½ inch taller than I thought I was, and of course their system wouldn't accept halves. So I'm 5'9". Bonus!

It weighs me fairly accurately (maybe a little light), and suggests that I'm overweight. Um, yeah. Knew that.

Basic test. Balance? Done. I can haz balans. My Wii Fit age is 33. I quickly looked around to see if anyone had seen through the blinds that I kissed the balance board. (I didn't really. Figure of speech. Poetic license.) Sounds nice, but three years ago at Lifetime, I did their little assessment thing, and my "age" there was 30. That involved a bit more strength and cardio testing, so I suspect this one is a little easier on me.

So we need to get the BMI down, right? Makes sense. I'm 28, or 27.5, or something. Pick your weight goal, it says. 152 with abs of steel, I says. No, in this universe, it says. Right. So I click down. Tenths of a pound, huh? Our goal is a BMI of 22, and the BMI is updated as you set your goal. (Higher? You could use this to gain weight? I don't know about you, but motionless video games and pizza on the couch do that for me. Did I say couch? I meant sectional. Theater seating. Whatever.) So we begin the journey. I click it down ... 2 ... 4 ... 6 ... man, this takes a while ... 8 ... 10 ... suddenly I realize there's no weight goal, just a weight-loss goal, so now I'm doing subtraction in my head ... two years ago ... Discovery Health Challenge weight ... many years ago ... possible weight in col-

what? stopped?

It won't let me set a weight-loss goal higher than 22 pounds. And my BMI at 164 is not 22. It's higher.

So you're saying I need to lose weight, but you won't let me lose the weight I need to? How cruel.

Okay, seriously, it's probably just an initial limitation, that you really shouldn't be trying to lose too much weight at once, and 22 pounds is about 12% of my weight, so it's not a bad goal at all. Other than the fact that when I did the DHC a few years ago, I got down to 170. Maybe a touch under 170. And that was with eating plans, weights, cardio, all that. And I was younger. And not working on my MSE.

But what the hell. I mean, might as well shoot for "damn", and if I miss, I end up with "not bad at all". So yeah, now we're looking at 164. In three months. Which is more aggressive than I was originally.

Oh wait, no it wasn't. oops. Right, so an invisible, forgotten goal doesn't work. right. So I gave myself three months, because there wasn't an option for 11 weeks (2 pounds per week).

And maybe at some point in the future, it'll let me pick a weight that'll give me a BMI of 22. Of course my frame probably won't sustain it - I've long ago conceded that my build is "stocky", I was just running around like crazy as a teenager and constantly burning calories to hide that build - but if I end up at 170, I mean, that's not so bad.

6s

Got what's probably my first 600 series, a 622. (208-217-197) I still can't put more than four strikes together. That last game raised my skill a whole 6 points, to 1206.

Wait till my next precipitous plunge. I don't think I can afford a 170 now. Poor me.

I wonder what happens at 2000? Guess I'll find out in tennis ...

Wii Virtual Console review: Gradius III (6/10), $8

Oh no, it won't be like Xbox Live. For one thing, I already own most of the games I'd want to play, and I still have the original systems (NES, N64, and Genesis). For another, well, they're not new.

Anyway, Gradius III is pretty much like you played it on the SNES: same preset ship configuration, same customization options, same gameplay, same customizable controls.

The Classic controller is very lightweight, almost too much so. The default configuration is almost unplayable (you've got shoulder buttons - use them), but it's very easy to reconfigure.

For some reason, the game doesn't size properly on an HDTV. Yeah, I know, the Wii itself doesn't provide HD graphics, but the regular Wii games are sized right. Hey, put in a little extra work and let us configure video (16:9 or 4:3). As a result, you can't tell what your score is, because it's off the top of the screen.

It does, however, save your high scores. Hear that, Microsoft? It saves your high scores.

So it's a nice little game if you enjoyed it in the past, but if you didn't, it's not really a game I'd recommend. Play one of the more modern versions.

zlionsfan's rating: 6 options out of 10.

Bowlin', bowlin', bowlin'

246.

Read it and weep, beeeyotches. (Thanks to Wayne Veres for his handy little score calculator.)

I figured out a small problem with my delivery. Two, actually. One was that I was swinging my arm out and back instead of hanging it at my side as if it held, well, a bowling ball. The other was that my release point was random.

A couple of changes later, I hit seven of eight strikes and end up a sleeper away from a no-tap 300. Added 97 points to my level (1175 now).

I'd bowl again, but there's a cat on my lap.

Wiilief

So I get home after an evening of playing Big Brain Academy and Mario Party 8, and I see that I don't have my BBA game in my inbox. Actually, I have nothing. Also, my friends didn't have my updated Mii.

I play for a bit and decide to test the connection. Sporadic connectivity, can't shop, can't update the system.

After about 45 minutes of the router equivalent of smacking the TV set, I unplug the Wii and move it up about three feet and out of the nice entertainment center where it sits. No connection problems at all.

I think this was because we were talking last night about how Sony was so stupid and Microsoft couldn't get out of its own way. Nintendo can't make enough Wiis to save themselves, but what else could they do wrong? Everyone loves their games.

Oh yeah. No wired connection and crappy interface to wireless connections.

Thanks for reminding me.

We've shipped ...

After the Post Office's latest fiasco (the letter carrier refused to deliver my mail because my neighbor's car was partially blocking access to my mailbox, slowing down his 20-mph run around our circle), I sent back Madden 07 for the Wii Saturday the 30th. I figured out early this week that it hadn't arrived at GameFly yet, but after checking my queue and seeing that there weren't any good games available, I didn't bother to complain (basically, you say it was lost, they ship you the next game, and end up canceling the complaint when the game finally arrives). Of course, late last week, almost everything was available.

Finally, this afternoon, I get the message that they've received it. Good news: Bomberman: Act Zero, #8 in my queue, is available now. Will others become available? Will I have to play Super Swing Golf for the Wii? (This may be academic because I have Zelda at home.) Only time will tell.

That hasn't stopped me from refreshing my queue every five minutes or so.

Update: Four more games are available, including Rayman Raving Rabbids. I think I might wait for that for the 360, though, so for now, we're going with The Godfather.

Update: Saints Row is available too, so now that moves up to #2 behind Viva Pinata. (I know, but it's supposed to be pretty cool. On the other hand, I might move it down just in case.)

Update: Ha ha ha. Now Dead or Alive Extreme 2 is available. It can't possibly suck as much as Rumble Roses XX (so bad I didn't even keep it long enough to get an achievement).

Last update: Saints Row shipped. Sweeeeeet.

Last, last update: I got Saints Row for late Christmas. Ha ha on GameFly.

Un-pro

Oops. Lost my Pro ranking at Wii Bowling. Oh well. I wish you could select different balls to use, even if you only got the sparkly ones as a Pro.

Eh. Probably it'll be something you can buy online.

Wii review: Wii Sports: Tennis (3/10)

Two down, three to go. (I shouldn't have reviewed boxing yet. I haven't tried a full match.)

Ah, tennis. Not bad for the Wiimote, right? Swing with your arm. The ball moves based on your swing. You can only play doubles, and only in a best-of-one, -three, or -five set. However, you can choose to control both players or just one. I'd recommend both so that you don't end up with a slug at the net.

Well, there's one small, little detail. All you control is your swing. Not forehand/backhand. Not your position on the court. Not your aim, other than by hitting early or late.

So basically, once you get to the more-experienced AI players, you get the later matches from Mario Tennis on the GBA - volley, volley, volley, volley. Plus, instead of working your thumb, now you're tiring your shoulder muscles. Okay, maybe it counts as exercise, but that's about it.

The manual's very little help at all. I didn't realize you could serve hard until the computer aced me once.

The inability to point your shot makes the guy at the net almost worthless. I can't tell you how many times he simply whacked the ball back at the back opponent or out of play.

This is another demonstration of how the Wiimote works, but that's about all it is. I suppose I'll play it enough to get a Pro ranking and leave it.

zlionsfan's rating: 3 double faults out of 10.

Getting the hang of it

Got my first 200 at Wii bowling: 214, in the middle of a 594 series (199-214-181). Pretty close to my real-life best (636), and I had some of the same feelings: elevated heart rate, propensity to choke (left a 6-pin in the tenth frame of game 1), although I fought through it nicely in game 2.

In the process, I discovered that when you're a Pro, you get a cool ball, kind of sparkly with stars on it. It makes it a bit easier to pick up the spin on the ball, although I wish they'd use a line or something like that.

What helped was that I did a bit of practice first, the power bowling. Now if only they had some form of shadow bowling ...

I did notice that they are not superstitious. They don't wait for you to finish the string to add up your score: I started off with a four-bagger, and sure enough, in the third frame, it posted that ugly 30. (Hey, I'm not really superstitious, but some things you just don't mess with.)

Nintendumb

Granted, I don't know that much about networking, but it seems to me that if Nintendo were smart about it, they would have realized that wireless networking is not quite at the plug-and-play stage, and they'd have made allowances like the other two for wired networking as well.

After two hours over a couple of days of "troubleshooting," which basically means trying different things that don't matter because if one of them worked, the others would have worked too, my conclusion is that Nintendo put in a decent wireless card, but disabled most of the features that make it work, so that connecting your Wii to a properly-secured network changes from a moderately easy task to an extremely difficult task.

The concept is really simple: once I knew what I was doing with respect to the router, I got my laptop connected easily. Set the SSID, choose the encryption, get the right passkey, enter that information, poof, done. All the time that I'm jacking around with the Wii, my laptop figures out what's going on and connects itself each time, as I'm changing channels, broadcasting/not broadcasting the SSID, etc.

But on the Wii, no, not simple. Apparently it only works under all of these specific circumstances. Whatever. I'm thisclose to simply letting it stay disconnected until Nintendo figures out wtf is going on. I'm not interested in weakening the security of my network because Nintendo doesn't know how to do networking.

And isn't a USB-to-Ethernet adapter going to cut down on connection speed?

Ugh.

Wii review: Wii Sports: Bowling (7/10), Boxing (2/10)

It's here! So it did turn out to be two-day shipping, but only if you count Saturday. It was somewhat easy to set up (although I had to put the sensor bar on the TV stand below the TV; my TV has an angled top and it wouldn't sit properly). I'm cheap (and on GameFly too, hell yeah that's a link to refer you, I'm a revenue whore, I admit it), so I didn't get any extra games, so I'm just playing Wii Sports.

Well, there may not be a lot to it, but I'll tell you what, Bowling is pretty much spot-on. My best so far was a 165 with a turkey; it took me a few games to figure out how to get my hook right (and throw it straight, ha ha, haven't mastered that yet) and how to abort a bad throw (at the line, slowly let your arm point toward the floor, then release B to drop the ball, you start over), but after that, it didn't take long for my real-life bowling demons to resurface. It'll just be a matter of time before I start leaving the 7-pin. Beer frame!

Hurray! You can play each sport left- or right-handed. I just tried bowling, tennis practice, and the "fitness test", kind of like the Brain Age test, except this one is for returning balls in tennis, hitting homers in baseball, and picking up spares in bowling. I can hit okay, so that must not be realistic. :)

The one thing I couldn't do is get the wireless set up. It's mostly because my setup is just outside my realm of knowledge, so I know what I did to get my laptop connected, but can't quite figure out the trick to get the Wii connected. (My 360 uses a wired connection, no help there.)

There isn't anything else to it so far, just bowling, although I haven't tried the practice yet. After each game, you get points toward a skill rating. The first level to achieve (I assume there are many) is Pro, at 1000. I'm about 800 or so, I think.

So far, it's definitely got potential as a great party game. I need to check out the other aspects of the game (and the other included sports), but for now, we'll give it a 7.

11/21 update: practice consists of little minigames, and if you do well enough at them, you get medals - I have a silver and a bronze overall. For bowling, the minigames are spare practice, hook practice (think of the skill shot contests on the PBA Tour, only without the stupid throw-it-over-the-chair shot that no bowling alley likes to see), and power practice (bowling at a rack from 4 rows deep up to 13 rows deep). The first two baseball ones are home-run hitting and contact hitting (pull, opposite-field, straightaway). Let's just say that I've got good power (633 ft? whatever), but can't go the other way. I keep pulling the ball, except when I'm supposed to. Very cool.

Also, your skill rating seems to be the number of pins above your average that you bowled, so your first game will set your skill rating. I got to the point where I don't always get points after a game. :(

But I did pick up the 5-6-7-10! I love being able to put a right-handed hook on the ball.

11/22 update: Your skill rating also drops if you miss your average, I think (too bad they don't display your average). Mine's leveled off ...

Boxing is dumb. Bowling seems to work well because it doesn't involve interaction, it's just action (the ball's in your hand, it just rolls when you move your hand). But with the boxing minigames, the problem I had was that I couldn't tell where I was supposed to be jabbing; I thought it was just a matter of swinging, but apparently not. The dodging didn't work very well either.

I'm getting better at the tennis minigames. Didn't think much of the golf ones, though. I saw they only gave you a generic iron and a generic wedge for chipping. I hope you get a full set of clubs when you play for real ...

The 633-foot home run happened because I hit it out of the stadium, so yeah, that's more realistic: they measure the distance the ball travels until it stops moving. If you think about it, once you clear the stadium wall, the ball has to fall all the way down to the ground (as opposed to a shot into the seats, which hits the "ground" several feet in the air), and then it'll roll a ways.

It's too bad you can't see what medals you have when you're picking which minigame to play. You know, the other consoles have all these buttons for a reason ...

The fitness test is exactly like Brain Age in that it picks three minigames at random. Last night, it was two boxing games (boo) and the tennis hit-the-target game.

Really?

Yes, really. Looks like two days isn't always two days. I checked my order status today and apparently something's going to be waiting on my doorstep when I get home tonight.

Maybe I'll stop at the grocery store tomorrow. :)

Nice to see that it's shipping from Lexington. If I'd have known that, I might have offered to pick it up myself. Has anyone ever placed a carryout order from Amazon?

Wiiiii!

Greetings from Amazon.com.

We thought you'd like to know that we shipped your items, and that this
completes your order.

Yeah baby! It's on its way. And what do you know, just in time for the week of PTO that I always take after Thanksgiving! Man, am I smrt or what? :)

Sorry, it's been a busy week. I've been thinking about replacing my car because it let me down on my last trip - nothing against Cincinnati, but I'd rather choose when I spend the night there. So my bank offers a service that will price cars for you and negotiate deals with dealers. Well, I'm ecology-conscious, so I wanted to get a hybrid. I'd already built one online just to get an idea of how it works.

My bank calls me back and says sorry, those are really popular, with gas prices soaring and everything. Most places have lists, and none of them will talk to us - you'll probably have to pay more than MSRP to get one. They suggested I build one online and request an online quote, so that, you know, I don't go there in person and have them talk me into something bigger or uglier.

So I do this, Wednesday, I think. I get an auto-reply, yeah, we got your request, we'll send you a quote. But I don't hear back. Thursday, I don't hear back. Finally, today I get a phone call (I screen my calls, so I really just got a message) saying hey, call me back. I write him back, we trade e-mail, he sends me a quote about $80 under invoice, but only in stock. (??) And he asks when I can drop by. I stop by this afternoon, figuring we can drive someone else's and then I'll get on the list, etc., etc.

Well, there's one on the lot. Right color, has the navi system, right there. Except ... it's been sold. Oops. But wait, there's actually two on the lot. And the second one is also the right color and has the navi system. So I take it for a test drive. (For me, a test drive is a formality. By the time I get to that step, I've already done all my research, and I know exactly what I want. I'm looking for deal-breakers, and pretending that they need to sell me the car.) As it turns out, when we get back and start on the paperwork, in that time, someone else showed up from 150 miles away to look at a hybrid - apparently he'd called before either had been claimed. (Suxor.)

I didn't have half the stuff with me I needed. Fortunately we got some of it from my proof-of-insurance card, and I knew the financial stuff from poking around at loans online. So now I have a new car. And to think, only because they just happened to have one on the lot that was what I wanted. If I'd waited another hour, no car.

One week and counting ...

So by now, you know that a) Amazon did sneak pre-orders without e-mailing anyone, b) a lot of people are angry about it, and c) Amazon doesn't care.

Anyway, the Tard kindly notified me when he saw it, so I'm in line. Up until today, the system still thought it was going to be shipped in October (because their system doesn't deal with pre-orders well). Well, I pretended to change my shipping (I'm a Prime member) and left it at two days, and sure enough, it updated to ship on the 20th and arrive on the 22nd, which makes sense, because they're not going to ship on Sunday.

The countdown begins ...