Weigh-in 8: -0.5 pounds

So, I have a confession to make. I'm falling into the same old traps. I'm being a bit more careful about what I'm eating, but I'm not really exercising much, and I suspect I'm eating more than I should. As a result, I really haven't dropped much this month, and the only reason I have is because I had the one good "week" right after my first bad week.

We talked a lot about this at book club tonight, and honestly, for me it's two things. One is that heart, I really am selfish, which means that I really don't care that much about what you think of me. I mean, I try to do the right thing and be a good guy and all, but ultimately it's not because I want you to think better of me. This kind of defeats accountability.

The other is that I'm really difficult to motivate. When I put my mind to something, it gets done. There are plenty of examples I can show for that. However, if I don't put my mind to it ... see, I think the root cause is that I've already achieved my main goal in life. Odd as it may seem, ever since I was a kid, all I wanted was to get out of my parents' houses and be self-sufficient. So, I did. That kind of defeats most reward systems ... that and the fact that I'm not terribly careful with my money. If I want something and it's reasonable, I probably already have it. If it's not reasonable, it's probably not something that should be a reward.

See, it's not that I'm difficult, it's that I don't make anything easy.

I'll get there. I know it's important to be healthy. I'd love to reach my goal weight. I vaguely remember what it was like to be that light. I just have to figure out how best to motivate me ...